Justine's Way

This post i am writing now,
is with my phone.

Right now,
i'm sitting alone in the dark,
in the living room.

I'm staring at my phone,
watching as my keypad light goes....

ON~ OFF~ ON~ OFF~

at every second,
i'm hoping that the light would go...

ON~ ON~ OFF~ ON~ ON~ OFF~

if this happens...
That means i got 1 new message.

But it seems it's just gonna be me tonight...

I want to be alone tonight,
i want the few last hours of this day all to myself.
I want to clear my mind of my thoughts.

For once,
i wanted to be free.

I just can't stand it anymore,
putting on a smiley face every single day for everyone to see,

when i can't even remember the last time i truly smiled full heartedly.

It hurts.

And i hate it.

I hate this feeling so much.

There's so much i NEED to say right now.

I NEED TO.

But then,
i tell myself,
'don't do it u idiot!'

then i cover up everything again.

I wanna smile.
Really smile.
My fake smiles don't make me happy.

I ____________________________.

These blanks,
i don't dare fill them.


Thank u.
Gud nite.